Noone knows about this blog yet, and yet I'm still blogging LOL

Yes, once upon a time I listened to music like this LOL. In Intermediate, which is ironic, because I was so quiet and shy and yet the music is so... LOUD LOL I always use to laugh when they swore LOL like "EHEHEHE they sad a BAD word!"

Douche.
I'll never out grow being a dorky loser LOL

I wish I could talk to you, but you're just not there anymore. So I have a blog <.>

I really, really wish that I could change alot of things in life.
But then again, doesn't everything happen for a reason?

I can't seem to reason out whats happening in my life right now,
So things are happening... So I can be alone forever?

I've always really been the little Alien.
I always have been, and I always will.
There is not one place, That I feel that I truly actually fit in.
I haven't found my niche.
I'm there to understand and be there for people,
And I need that someone to be there for me too.
But I feel like I'm losing...Everyone.

It's my selfish little doing though.
I thought, that I could get away with concentrating on school this year
And have my friends as close as I left them
-Wrong-
And now I feel horrible, for being this... you can't even call me a friend.
I've been so distant, so aloof and now, when I need people the most
I turn around, and I see nothing.
Gah, I feel so alone.

And I don't even know what I feel anymore.
I like the notion of being numb.
I had a philosophy at the start of this term,
I told myself that I would concentrate on being the best friend to all my friends
& Push away my own problems to help others out
Because that was who I was until the senior years came along
But no one needed me due to stress XD
And I kept ignoring my own feelings
And now they all come back in a rush
I did this before
I never learn my lessons.

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I use to be able to talk to you,
About anything
But I feel so far away from you
So far away
To the point, where I'm actually scared I'm losing you
I see you, so much happier with other friends
I feel happy for you
But sad for me
I miss you a lot even though we just talked
You're there
But you're not

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Crying doesn't do anything, Babo.
Oh WTH Is up with me!
This is so foreign to me..
I'm NOT like this
But being all melancholy like this sucks
I remember happier times when I was always happy
And everyone knew me as the Happy Girl Who Could brighten days
But now I feel like the Girl who craps up days

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And don't even ask about the whereabouts of my heart.
Bcos I don't know, and frankly, don't really care anymore

What I did today

I'm protecting my note :D So If i forgot to give you access just say and i'll add you to the note list. LOL

Henyways.

Today me and Ally had retail therapy! To heal our, brains from exams.
HOLIDAYS <3



I have seriously suffered from exams so bad! T_T Like actually. My skin is really crap and my panda eyes are like BLEH and my eyes are bloodshot. I need to heal some more LOL

We waited for the bus stop, for like an hour
Ally said that we should listen to her Ipod, which she had charged the night before
And she said I'd like this song she was going to play and the first lyrics were

"I waited for you..."

And I was like WAHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LOL

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We arrived at St Lukes at round 10.30
And we went Pee.
Then we went to Lippy
WHERE I SAW THE DRESS THAT I ENDED UP BUYING!
It was, two sizes up from my normal size though
But it fit (Which made me feel like I got bigger over exams - Yes true, over emotional eating LOL)
So I bought it :D

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Ally bought a bargain from Dotti
Ten dollar top ftw

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Ah FML my note deleted here
Barch

Oh well

I WAS saying how awesome my twinnie was LOL

She bought me a foundation brush without telling me <333
Like pretended it was for her then gave it to me
Because I told her not to buy me anything
BUT SHE DID
GNAW I LOVE MY TWIN!
She is so sweet!!!!!

MY TWIN NOT YOURS

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Anyhows, our Buys today
LOL

Mabel:


Ipod Nano. LOL it was with VOUCHERS. But I had to pay 40 bucks on top of that. BUT HEY Ipod Nano for Forty Bucks!
Lippy Dress
Yinings Present :D (LOOK NING LOOK I hope you like it....It was really hard to choose T_T ITS FROM RED CURRENT (Lol, I always buy there because they gift wrap!) )
Maybelline Collosal Mascara (But the "Y" Scraped off the word "Maybelline" on the Mascara, so it says "Mabelline" Like MABELline?? Oh god i'm such a douche...)
Miki Nailpolish x2

Ally:

Dotti Top
MAC Studio Fix Foundation
Eco Eyeshadow Brush
Butterfly Shaped Nail Kit Thing

YEAH!

YAY FOR THE HOLIDAYS <3

Eco Eyeshadow Brush
Foundation Brush Complementary of Ally!

Pls let this be a good summer.

Breakdown ><
I thought I would be fine this week, seeing it's my three favourite subjects.
But in a row?! And going through past papers and getting mucked up with Questions and finding the holes study needs to fill is stressing me out. I'm tired, and I CBB. I've worked so hard this year and to see it all go wasting down due to my upset mood <.>

And holidays, which once looked really promising don't look so promising anymore.
It won't be a holiday due to work. Seriously, I am so tired of it, to the point I actually just want to breakdown, scream and refuse to turn up. I've gone from office assistant who files to Cleaner girl... It wasn't in my job description to wash dishes OR clean the toilet rubbish bins! It's such a degrading job. What the workforce has taught me is that there really are some horrible, nasty people out there, who like to bring you down and make you feel insignificant. I quit already, but the contract stated that you have to keep working one month after you quit (Seriously....Wth. I'm sure I'm more of an expense to them that way)

Anddd most of my friends are going away on Holiday T________T
Like actually. Am I the only one staying?!?!

So I'm thinking, I'll be a little reject spending new years by myself AGAIN. Watching the countdown on TV by myself, Again. Seriously, what. a. life.

And holidays could also mean all this unwanted time to think again, which I've already started.

BLEHGAHRAHHHH.

Upset

I think I'm possibly the weakest person I know
I try to be strong, but when you're battling personal issues noone knows, nor seems to want to inquire about, by yourself it eats you up. And being told that you're weak and useless doesn't really help either.

This is going to be one of those horrid melancholy entries that I like to write because it makes me feel as if people actually bother to read. Although noone knows about this blog right now so. Oh well.

Life can be so horrid sometimes. When you finally think that you're happy and you've found your niche - everything likes to come crashing down on you. Ouch. That hurt.

I just need a big fat cry. I haven't had one of those in a while. I seem to be emotionless. Because it's so much better to feel nothing than to feel something.

You know I think I found the cause of my self destructing melancholy. I've never been given any praise in life only just the negative things about my character/appearance. Apart from the odd, your hair is nice compliments I receive zilch, so all of the negativity that I get out balances any good that there may be in me. I'm never going to be the prettiest, or the funniest, or naturally talented (Note, I just work my bumhole off), so what am I going to be? What am going to be in this life of mine?

Bleh I hate my self esteems. I wish I could steal some of one of my friends XD Whose self esteem is HUGE. :P

Meh, Two Exams down, Five to Go.

I've run out of fuel T_T

Classics Scholarship is tomorrow.
I'm tempted to either laugh, because it's such a joke that I'm even taking it, and also cry because I'm frustrated because all the information won't absorb anymore.

Zilch.

So I'm sitting here listening to Taylor Swift 8D
Youtube You Belong With Me Rap Version

I tried to atone by doing some Calculus
But my brain is actually, so annoyed and fed up.

I wonder if other people get this <.> Or am I the only one? Like you just want to give up because you've done so much and you end up forgetting it all. I have a bad short term memory :(
I hope I can remember it all during the actual exam. I think it's just dragged on for so long, like we had September end of years and it's been work since then and it's now November.

Waaa I want to go have a big fat cry
Eat some chocolate
And listen to more Taylor Swift

T__________________T
Uh, Wish me luck?

I LOVE OUR HEAD GIRL

Okay, I wasn't suppose to start this blog of mine which accompanies the FB notes I was going to have until exams finished. Because I didn't want to get distracted but I need some sort of outlet, I'm too lazy to write in a diary.

Congratulations to my gorgeous and well deserving friend, Isabel for getting Head Girl of 2010!

I'm so proud of you, beyond words! I made sure I was the first to hug her XD I was like, "I BAGS HUGGING HER FIRST!" And then I started crying when she started crying. Gnaw I love you Isabel :)

Also, congratulations to all the fellow nominees, although it may not have outcome in the way which we may have wanted it to, we all still did our very best didn't we?! If only what could happen was what Danni suggested when we were all sitting outside together "If only all 8 of us could be one head girl". But still - You guys did amazing and I'm so happy for each and every one of you! I think I made some good friends from this experience!
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And an apology about my reaction, my tragic reaction. I'm really embarrass now and I hope that I didn't anger some people (Eg. GOD WHY IS SHE CRYING? Oh Pffffft) I think that It was normal of me to have that sort of reaction, because the first thoughts that did go through my head were that I did work pretty hard, and my heart was definately in the right place, and that I wanted my parents to have a reason to be proud of me (Because I rarely get any praise, but I guess my rents are just like that) but at the end of the day everything happens for a reason.

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2010 will see the best year yet for our school!
Congratulations again to my beautiful peers

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