I wish I could talk to you, but you're just not there anymore. So I have a blog <.>

I really, really wish that I could change alot of things in life.
But then again, doesn't everything happen for a reason?

I can't seem to reason out whats happening in my life right now,
So things are happening... So I can be alone forever?

I've always really been the little Alien.
I always have been, and I always will.
There is not one place, That I feel that I truly actually fit in.
I haven't found my niche.
I'm there to understand and be there for people,
And I need that someone to be there for me too.
But I feel like I'm losing...Everyone.

It's my selfish little doing though.
I thought, that I could get away with concentrating on school this year
And have my friends as close as I left them
-Wrong-
And now I feel horrible, for being this... you can't even call me a friend.
I've been so distant, so aloof and now, when I need people the most
I turn around, and I see nothing.
Gah, I feel so alone.

And I don't even know what I feel anymore.
I like the notion of being numb.
I had a philosophy at the start of this term,
I told myself that I would concentrate on being the best friend to all my friends
& Push away my own problems to help others out
Because that was who I was until the senior years came along
But no one needed me due to stress XD
And I kept ignoring my own feelings
And now they all come back in a rush
I did this before
I never learn my lessons.

-

I use to be able to talk to you,
About anything
But I feel so far away from you
So far away
To the point, where I'm actually scared I'm losing you
I see you, so much happier with other friends
I feel happy for you
But sad for me
I miss you a lot even though we just talked
You're there
But you're not

-
Crying doesn't do anything, Babo.
Oh WTH Is up with me!
This is so foreign to me..
I'm NOT like this
But being all melancholy like this sucks
I remember happier times when I was always happy
And everyone knew me as the Happy Girl Who Could brighten days
But now I feel like the Girl who craps up days

-

And don't even ask about the whereabouts of my heart.
Bcos I don't know, and frankly, don't really care anymore